


Strong at the Broken Places

by RobinsonsWereHere



Category: Psych (TV 2006)
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Long-Distance Relationship, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Shules, references to 4x16, set between 8x06 and 8x10
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-11
Updated: 2020-03-11
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:40:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23105617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RobinsonsWereHere/pseuds/RobinsonsWereHere
Summary: "The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places."-- Ernest HemingwayYears after Yin, Juliet can live her life without constantly reliving the clock tower. But there are some days when the memories still come back.In hindsight, the Golden Gate Bridge was probably a bad idea.(Set after Juliet moves to SF but before the finale)
Relationships: Juliet O'Hara/Shawn Spencer
Comments: 11
Kudos: 65





	Strong at the Broken Places

**Author's Note:**

> I've always maintained that the writers could've done so much more with Juliet's PTSD, seeing as they set in up perfectly in the beginning of s5. It bugs me that they didn't even slip in any small, easy details, like a fear of heights. So here, have this.

PTSD is not pleasant to live with.

In the four years since Yin, Juliet has learned how to handle herself, and her mental health. She has appointments with a therapist. She knows the steps to take to alleviate a panic attack. She avoids heights at all costs… most of the time.

And it works. She’s happy and healthy and since Cowley had been put away, all of that has faded into the background. Juliet now is a far different person from the woman who had hidden herself away at a desk job-- more confident, healthier, and happier, but more cautious, too.

She doesn’t expect the move to San Francisco to change that. Her therapist gives her business cards and recommendations, which are currently magneted to her new fridge. Everything is going well, until it’s not.

In hindsight, she really should’ve avoided the Golden Gate Bridge.

Sam had recommended it casually, as they were driving over it, on the trail of a suspect. _Hey, see that bay view? You should try the pedestrian walkway. I walked over it at sunset my first week here… it’s one of the main reasons I haven’t left. The view will take your breath away._

He’d been right about that. Standing on the walkway, the wind in her hair, the cool metal rail under her hands, Juliet had forgotten how to breathe. It might have been a nice view but all she could see was the water, so blue, so cold, likely as hard as concrete if one were to fall from this height…

She’d stumbled back the way she came, managed to make it into her car before her legs were too weak to hold her. Her hands had shaken so much that she could barely hold her phone, barely pull up an anti-anxiety app with animations to breathe to. She closes her eyes and listens to the counting until she stops feeling lightheaded. It’s another ten minutes before she trusts herself to drive.

Shawn calls after dinner, as always. She’s tossing the trash from a frozen pad thai dish into the trash as the phone rings… cooking feels like too much effort tonight.

“Hey,” she answers, tired but already smiling.

_”Hey, yourself.”_ As always, the sound of Shawn’s voice makes her feel warm and light. She could use some lightness right now. _”What’s up?”_

“Just cleaning up from dinner,” she answers, padding over to the couch. “How’s Santa Barbara?”

_”Lonely,”_ he says. She can hear him pouting. _”Good day today?”_

She wrinkles her nose. “Kinda rough, actually.”

_”Oh, come on, is Karen giving you the hard stuff already? That’s inhumane.”_

“It’s not work,” she sighs. “I made a stupid decision and I’m paying for it.”

_”Oh, phew. I was worried you would suffer from lack of idiocy without me.”_

She laughs, but it’s strained, tired. Shawn must hear it, even over the phone, because…

_”Jules? You still there? What happened?”_

“I just…” she shakes her head. “It was stupid. So stupid. I don’t even want to say it. I should’ve seen it coming.”

_”Hey, babe, you know you’re talking to the guy who detonated a bomb without knowing if the guy he was looking at would actually be able to stop it, right?”_

She snorts. “I remember that.”

_”So come on, out with it. It can’t be any worse than what I do on a daily basis.”_

Juliet heaves another sigh, fidgeting with a throw pillow. “I decided that, since I’m new to San Francisco and all, I should check out the Golden Gate Bridge.”

_”Hey, sounds fun! There’s, like, a sidewalk, right?”_

“Yeah. Bay view.” Juliet shivers at the memory of the pink clouds and the blue water and the wind rushing in her ears.

_”So what’s the-- oh.”_ Shawn is silent for a minute. _”How bad was it? Were you with someone?”_

“I was by myself,” she answers. “And, um, pretty bad. I couldn’t-- I couldn’t breathe for a minute or two. But I got back to my car, and all that. Had an app on my phone. It turned out alright.”

_”Are you okay?”_

“I…” she takes a deep breath, surprised by how much it shakes. “It’s been a while since I had a full panic attack like that. I guess it shook me up. But I’m alright, Shawn, I promise.”

_”You got a doc in San Fran yet?”_

“Not yet.” She eyes the fridge. “I’m starting to think I should get one.”

He agrees. They talk for a few more hours, moving onto lighter, happier topics. Shawn tries to serenade her for the third time this week. It’s nearing eleven o’clock when Juliet finally changes into pajamas, phone held between her shoulder and her ear, and climbs into bed.

_”It’s kinda late,”_ Shawn comments. _”Are you going to bed soon?”_

“Yeah.” She makes no move to hang up.

_”Well, goodnight, then…”_ Shawn sounds confused, like he can sense her hesitation. _”I love you._

“Love you too.”

_”What’s the matter, Jules?”_

“I’m scared to go to sleep,” she blurts. “The nightmares. They’ll come back, after an attack like that.”

Shawn is silent for a long time. _”I wish I was there with you,”_ he finally says. _”Wish I could hold you. Hug you. Keep you safe.”_

“I am safe, Shawn.” She smiles. “I sleep with a gun under my pillow.”

_”Still wish I could hold you right now.”_ There’s a silence again. _”Are you shaking?”_

She grips the phone tighter, her free hand curling into her comforter. “No.”

A pause.

“Only a little.”

_”It’s alright, Jules,”_ Shawn murmurs. _”You’re alright. I’m here.”_

“I miss you,” she whispers.

_”I miss you too.”_ She hears him take a breath. _”Jules, baby, you need to get some sleep.”_

“Can’t I just keep talking to you?” she asks petulantly.

_”I wish,”_ he murmurs. _”But you should… you should try to get to sleep. I’ll tell you what: get some shut-eye, and if you do have nightmares, you can call me right back. I won’t let you be alone, Juliet.”_

She exhales slowly, sinking into her pillows. “Alright,” she says softly. “Goodnight, I love you.”

_”Love you too.”_

She does have nightmares, only a few hours after drifting off. But just as he’d promised, Shawn is there, his voice anchoring her from miles away. It’s a hard night, but not as hard as it could’ve been.

PTSD is not pleasant to live with, but by hell, Juliet O’Hara is still living.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Feel free to leave a comment or kudos, or come find me on tumblr at nursebarbarahereward!


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